In the middle of a storm

I'm sitting here listening to the storm raging outside. I can hardly hear it over the radio, so I've no idea how bad the storm really is. Currently I'm still in the middle of my own little storm. I broke a dam in the midst of my storm yesterday. It flooded for a little bit at first and then it just got worse. Thankfully, today I am feeling refreshed even as the storm still continues on. I can not currently give out details as to the storm in my life, all I can say is that the main part involves a living situation and I reached my breaking point yesterday.

I must say that even with my storm going on, I have done my best to still be there for other people when they have needed me. I know God has been with me, keeping me at peace even with all of my stress. He really holds me close at times like these, I can feel His presence all around me. He helps me to understand others and explain things to others in ways they understand. I'm constantly being reminded to look to God for my needs, and I am seeing God everywhere I look. I see God in the leaves, the breeze, people's smiles...everything. Sometimes I stop just to think about how great God is that He made all of this. One of my new friends has told me that I take time to stop and see the beauty that most people pass by.

"I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You"

Home again

I returned to my home at around 7:30 last night. I was exhausted, but hearing news of a storm today I had to at least move things out of my trunk as it leaks when it rains. My nephew Payton helped me. He wanted me to hook up my tv and playstation one last night so he could play my dragon game (Spyro). I emptied my trunk and half of my backseat with plans to get the rest in today. That didn't work. I went to sleep at around midnight last night and slept until 2:15 today when someone called me. I'm babysitting on Monday. That's my job for the summer. I'm going to have two babysitting jobs. My plan is to work out getting there and ride my bike whenever possible. It's be good for me and the environment. Plus, it's only about ten miles to either job, most of it is flat so it'd be a nice cardio workout anyway.

I was excited to get home last night and find my books that I had ordered waiting for me. Today I read a few pages from each. I decided to start reading "It's easy being Green: One Student's guide to serving God and Saving the Planet" by Emma Sleeth. Then move onto "You Are Here: Exposing the Vital Link Between What We do and What That Does to Our Planet" by Thomas M. Kostigen. "Simple Prosperity: Finding Real Wealth in a Sustainable Lifestyle" by David Wann. and ""Big Green Purse: Use Your Spending Power to Create a Cleaner, Greener World" by Diane Maceahern. I also bought a book I've already read and loved called "Writing Magic: Creating Stories that Fly" by my favourite author, Gail Carson Levine. For those who don't know, she wrote Ella Enchanted and yes, the book is a lot different than the movie. I plan to read at least one book each week I am home this summer. That is a total of at least 17 books.

My lower back has been hurting me all day and I'm not completely sure why but it didn't stop me from organizing things in my room. I managed to get through most of the things I brought in last night, however I'm at a loss at to where to place my tv, DVD/VCR player and my gaming systems. This probably comes from having a treadmill in my room now. I'm getting up in the morning and going out with my mother in the morning. I'm going to bed soon, as I've been tired since I woke up just over nine hours ago. I'm watching Sister Act right now and it's over at Midnight. Hopefully tonight I won't have crazy dreams!

Here it comes again

It's now nearing time for the end of another semester. My sophomore year at college is coming to a close. Right now I'm listening to some people outside who are playing guitar and singing. It is a beautiful sunny warmish day out. I'm inside for now. I need to start a research paper that is due on Monday. The sky looks very inviting to me though. If only I could fly! I think that would be one amazing ability. It'd also be VERY environmentally friendly because you wouldn't leave any carbon emissions. Today is the 40th anniversary of Earth Day. Did you know that? 40 years of people trying to change our way of life so that our Earth can live on after we're gone for the sake of our descendants. Speaking of Earth Day, I'm going to make another blog, which could possibly become filled with some ranting, but I hope it won't come to that. I'm hoping to fill it with friendly advice about relationships, communicating, school, sustainability and whatever else I feel I have an opinion about that I feel is important or it is just something I think might help someone.

Helping people..that's what I love. I love helping people, I empathize quite easily, you can ask the people I'm with the most. I feel bad and can never think of anything to say. People find out I am a Psychology/Family Studies double major and they assume I want to be a counselor, especially when they know I love helping people. I don't think that I want to be a counselor, or even that I would make a good one. I don't even make a good one when I have a script. If however I do become a counselor I think I'd like to work in a high school setting and be a guidance counselor. Maybe my helping people is the reason that I like finding out about ways to "Go Green." I don't know though. We shall see where God leads my life.

Anyway, I suppose that I should get to the title of this post. With the semester coming to a close, it means months without seeing the people I have grown close to over this academic year and for the first time, I actually kept up with the people I hung out with a lot last semester. This fall I'm even rooming with two of the girls I have grown very close to. As happens at the end of semester, I see the couples spending more time together and secluding people from their relationships. I understand. Really, I do. It still hurts those who want to hang out with you before the end of semester as well. You won't see them over the summer either, and let's face it, you'll talk with your significant other more over the summer than any of your other friends and most likely see them as well. It's inevitable. Why do you have to be together so much at the end of the semester?

I personally hate to say goodbye. You can ask my friends from freshman year. I waited until the latest time I could to leave. I only went home when I had to. I cried every time and that made my mom sad. I was happy to go home and be with her, but I felt more social and like myself at school because I am a very social person and I hate to not be around people. At home I'm alone a lot. At least freshman year I was. For the summer my sister, her husband and my nephew are living at my home. I won't be alone a lot. It'll be a nice change. :)

This summer I got a job as a camp counselor at Lake Ellen in the Upper Peninsula. It is a ten hour drive from my house, but I'm okay with that. I'm excited by the possibility of serving at a camp for half of my summer. I say possibility because I have a babysitting job offer at home for the summer. At least, I think that I do. I'm waiting for the call from the lady. I hope she'll call before Monday so I can let Lake Ellen know if I'll be working there or not. I have all of these choices laid out before me for my future (near and distant) and I don't know what roads I want to take, let alone where I want to be in the end that could guide me as to what roads to take.

Canada Geese

My friend Sarah and I spent an hour outside in the sunshine observing the Canada Geese that have once again taken residence at our school. We tried to distinguish between the males and females and we think it went well, considering what I have just looked up. We named all 17 that we found. We want to take pictures of them and write their names and try to distinguish them from each other with their characteristics. Considering how they mate for life and the female nests in the same spot each year, it will be easy to determine which couple they are in relation to where around the pond they are. Once they make their nests and such anyway, as we don't know where exactly the nests are right now as we mostly just sat and watched them interact with each other. Sadly, as they mate for life, it means we have one, that we lovingly named Jazz that has lost their mate. I think it is a female. :)

On the other side. Life is going well right now. I have a car again. The sun is shining. I do believe I am on schedule for all my work and am not behind in anything, although I do need to start in on a research paper for one of my classes. I also managed to sort out my schedule for my next and last two years here at Cornerstone and my adviser said that I was very organized and he thanked me for being so well organized. He said my schedule looks good and that I should be set.

Today is Wednesday which means my easiest day. I had chapel, lunch, class and am free until dinner after which I shall go to Calvary and be there for their middle school ministry and have someone fill out a form for me, so I can avoid taking an exam for a class because of how much I help out with kids. After I return to campus I shall then visit VO and see my guys and hang out as usual. Although, I think Sarah is claiming me to watch a movie with her. :)

Randomness

I don’t have to feel okay, to be okay.
Sometimes I don’t know why I bothered to come home at all. Last year I only came home when the dorms closed down and I had to. My dad bought a truck while I was away at school. Now, apparently he’s driving okay, but because of his strokes, he’s supposed to get a driver evaluation done, and he hasn’t had that done yet. He’s also apparently ticked that I want to switch cars with my mom, even though the car I’ll be taking back is the one he bought for me. My mom doesn’t care. Then tonight, he went outside and Payton wanted to follow him and I told Payton to stay inside. He tried pushing Payton back inside and he didn’t want to come in, and I told dad he couldn’t push him because he could hurt him. My dad swore at me. Big surprise right? Sometimes I amaze myself that I don’t swear like him, especially when my siblings have no problem swearing. I can honestly say I’ve only sworn about 6 times in my entire life. Each time I was severely ticked off.

Fast forward to being back at school.
Every day it seems I see couples everywhere. I know this is an exaggeration, considering most of the people I talk to on a regular basis are not dating people at my school, and the people who are dating each other who both go here, I don’t tend to see together very much. I do believe it comes from being single and knowing of all these people who are in a relationship.
Sex in Psychology, I bit my thumb to stop from laughing. I have a bruise now.

My professor has just informed me he is giving me only 50 points for participation….he claimed it was a threat….and I make him laugh!! I participate! It makes me wonder how much participation points are…. Then, Jon-Michael Jones just HAD to sit in my seat next to me where I was allowing my umbrella to dry, had my bag in the seat (so as to not crush the fritters inside it!), and my water bottle on top of the table. He came in late and couldn’t move down in the row past me and Ashleigh…….very upsetting my balance of things and my security. I value stability and security!

So, I've made many new friends with the freshmen, but even with all of them, I still feel left out of fun and excitement.....I feel my fellow upperclassmen have formed into different cliques from last year, my girls are in different areas, and we never seem to be free at the same time. So, I feel like I am left out of a lot of stuff. I understand everyone is busy and hey, I'm busy to. I just....I don't know, I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now, and I love to just hang out and talk to people...so me not really getting invited anywhere....is kinda sad and depressing. I don't even have to talk to about what's going on in my life (and let's face it, I'm not even sure exactly as to what is going on in my mind right now).

I can say though, that one thing I'm dealing with is once again being around many girls that are smaller than me and comparing myself to them, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm trying to work out, but I'm having a hard time finding the time/ I don't like working out by myself. I need to be healthy as diabetes and cancer run in my family, but I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to lose weight to get attention from guys. I found out tonight that 1 in 10 women have some form of an eating disorder....that's so freaky.

Anyway. That is all from me. I'll try to keep updated more often so things aren't so long all the time... I need to just write before I go to sleep each night...