I looked at the time of my last posting, and I realized it's been over a month since I last wrote. This is why I don't keep diaries! I must say a lot has gone on, but I can't even begin to go into it all, as I don't remember it all!! So, I'll just avoid the most of it, and say that I got a loan to go back to school. I got a car. My dad had surgery. I had fun hanging out with people.
I haven't been feeling well lately, and so I have been sleeping a lot more than I should, as I need to get on my college sleep schedule. Last night, thanks to my night owl status. My friend Wilford's brother told me tragic news. Wilford died on the 21st. He had been diagnosed with cancer a while ago, and we had talked a lot up until that point. He didn't get on much when I was on, at least not that I saw or noticed. His brother told me as he caught me on yahoo messenger. Because he knew we talked a lot, and he thought I should know.
I haven't cried too much yet, but I know it will come. I sat in shock as I read those words. "He was my brother." I knew the words to follow, but I couldn't stop from asking, "was?" I could hardly talk to anyone. Today, at church, my mind drifted away from the message and into something else. Thoughts of Wilford, as I tried to think back to the last time I had talked to him. I can't even remember when it was. I'm still just pretty much numb. I can only imagine how it'd be if I had hung out with him in person. Did I mention I only knew him online?
Um. So. Moving on past that for now.
I'm looking, seriously, into double majoring in Family Studies and Psychology and minoring in English. I look forward to being back at school in just over a week. 8 1/2 days. How can one be so connected to a school? So connected to the people? I actually confessed something to someone I think last week, that I haven't told many people. I'm a pretty open person about everything if you just ask me. There's only a few things. I think 2 actually. That I keep hidden. Afraid people wouldn't think of me the same if they only knew. I read some place today that people can only really know you if they know what you do in secret. You can put on a mask, and hide it, but it is still there. It's still a part of you. Only those who really know you, know what you do in "secret," even if it isn't so much secret anymore.
All in all, I have dealt with a lot over the years, and I believe it is finally taking it's toll, outside of maturing me past my age. I also believe God, even with my mistakes is shaping me into someone who will eventually mean the world to someone. I just need to learn some more things before he brings him into my life, or lets me know who he is. I know everything I have been through, dealt with, seen, heard and listened to, even with the wrong turns, is leading me down the path I'm supposed to go down.
