Randomness

I don’t have to feel okay, to be okay.
Sometimes I don’t know why I bothered to come home at all. Last year I only came home when the dorms closed down and I had to. My dad bought a truck while I was away at school. Now, apparently he’s driving okay, but because of his strokes, he’s supposed to get a driver evaluation done, and he hasn’t had that done yet. He’s also apparently ticked that I want to switch cars with my mom, even though the car I’ll be taking back is the one he bought for me. My mom doesn’t care. Then tonight, he went outside and Payton wanted to follow him and I told Payton to stay inside. He tried pushing Payton back inside and he didn’t want to come in, and I told dad he couldn’t push him because he could hurt him. My dad swore at me. Big surprise right? Sometimes I amaze myself that I don’t swear like him, especially when my siblings have no problem swearing. I can honestly say I’ve only sworn about 6 times in my entire life. Each time I was severely ticked off.

Fast forward to being back at school.
Every day it seems I see couples everywhere. I know this is an exaggeration, considering most of the people I talk to on a regular basis are not dating people at my school, and the people who are dating each other who both go here, I don’t tend to see together very much. I do believe it comes from being single and knowing of all these people who are in a relationship.
Sex in Psychology, I bit my thumb to stop from laughing. I have a bruise now.

My professor has just informed me he is giving me only 50 points for participation….he claimed it was a threat….and I make him laugh!! I participate! It makes me wonder how much participation points are…. Then, Jon-Michael Jones just HAD to sit in my seat next to me where I was allowing my umbrella to dry, had my bag in the seat (so as to not crush the fritters inside it!), and my water bottle on top of the table. He came in late and couldn’t move down in the row past me and Ashleigh…….very upsetting my balance of things and my security. I value stability and security!

So, I've made many new friends with the freshmen, but even with all of them, I still feel left out of fun and excitement.....I feel my fellow upperclassmen have formed into different cliques from last year, my girls are in different areas, and we never seem to be free at the same time. So, I feel like I am left out of a lot of stuff. I understand everyone is busy and hey, I'm busy to. I just....I don't know, I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now, and I love to just hang out and talk to people...so me not really getting invited anywhere....is kinda sad and depressing. I don't even have to talk to about what's going on in my life (and let's face it, I'm not even sure exactly as to what is going on in my mind right now).

I can say though, that one thing I'm dealing with is once again being around many girls that are smaller than me and comparing myself to them, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm trying to work out, but I'm having a hard time finding the time/ I don't like working out by myself. I need to be healthy as diabetes and cancer run in my family, but I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to lose weight to get attention from guys. I found out tonight that 1 in 10 women have some form of an eating disorder....that's so freaky.

Anyway. That is all from me. I'll try to keep updated more often so things aren't so long all the time... I need to just write before I go to sleep each night...

My Paper Heart Will Bleed

Wow. It is currently 8:47 a.m. on a Saturday and I have already been up for an hour. I'm still in my PJ's in which I drove Jade to work. I have to pick her up at 3:30. It's saving her a couple hours a day to ride the bus to and from work. Which, let's face it, that's insane to spend about as much time on a bus getting to and from work as you are actually spending at work. I told her I'd take her when I wasn't busy or anything. Apparently that makes me the sweetest.

It is now the end of week 2 back at school. Second Week of First Semester of Sophomore year. It has gone by so fast. I feel like I could just glide my fingers over time as it passed me by. I suppose I should do a quick update on everything that has happened since I've come back. It would take too long to write it all out in detail, so some things shall have details and others none.

Move-In Day I left my home at about 7:30 am. I stopped once along the way to get gas, so I wouldn't have to get some as soon as I got to Grand Rapids. I arrived and not many people were around, granted most everyone was a Sherpa or a freshman/transfer so they were still at camp. I got Matt and Ryan to move my room around for me, and my room is now the sweetest room in all of Cook. I loved getting to see most of my closer friends once everyone got back from camp. I spent a lot of time unpacking and organizing, a lot more so than I did the first year.

Tuesday the 8th, I got to see even more of my lovely friends who had come back for another year at The Stone, so hugs were happening very often as were screams/yells of names. I also went to an interview for a babysitting job. I started the job on Thursday, and I got my first paycheck this past Thursday. I still have to go celebrate.

Classes began Wednesday the 9th, and I found some awesome people I already knew in my class. Classes were all short as you spend most of it just going over the syllabus for your class. Since then I've been a lounge rat as often as possible to meet the freshies. Some are really awesome.

Freshmen are already knowing I am very social, and that I do homework while people are around me. I hate solitary confinement! I've already been mistaken for all upperclassmen years and for an RA. I can see where this is coming from, as I was mistaken for all of them last year too. Sadly, one freshmen, after I told him I'd heard about him (I hear about several freshmen before I meet them, and I tell all of them if I've heard about them) he began asking what I had heard, and what kind of rep he had. I told him the next day it was a bad rep and that according to his rep he was a creeper. Now, let me enlighten you guys to something. I have like 10 people (mostly freshmen guys) who I supposedly stalk and several people refer to me as creeper, but it's okay with me, because I know I'm "creeper" because of my friendliness. Anyway, last night the guy told me, "oh, by the way, you have a bad rep. Yea, I went out of my way." What is up with that? I didn't contribute to his rep, all I did was tell him what his rep was. Oh well. I don't care.

Okay, ready for stories? Good. I thought you might be. First interesting meeting was with Adam. I had stopped at Wendy's on my way back from Bdubs because I had a craving for fries. I also got a frosty. Well, basically, he'd never met an Eve before. So, Matt pushed us together and said, "oh, what a cute couple." It's not exactly a meeting one can easily forget, but I'm leaving details out because some things are hard to describe and I don't want this to be super long.

Nate 1. He showed off the sunburn on his back one night in the lobby of CoVo. The next day he came over to use our printer as no other printer wanted to work for him. He says "hex yea" (which is awesome, because I do too). He listens to awesome music, and he got a little freaked out when I asked him how his back was feeling. I told him I had been down in the lobby the night before when he had showed off his sunburn (which was horrid looking and I think now he's peeling really bad).

Nate 2. He cycles. I pretty much always only see him when he cycles. I never thought I had seen him out of his cycling garb. Well. I have. I wondered who he was, which is funny. I originally met him when he forgot his card and I stood in front of the door for a little bit, then finally told him he could open the door now. I told him about the motion sensors and that once they are set off (AKA someone stands by the door or moves by the door and you hear a click, it unlocks) you can open the door. Well, last night as I roamed around VO multiple times, I ended up in his room. As soon as I enter his room he's like "You're Eve right?" I told him yes it was. I didn't know how he knew my name at all at that moment. I asked him if I had met him and he said we had met a few days before, but he couldn't remember when. He told me his name was Nate. Well, after noticing the bike and helmet in his room I was like, "You're the cyclist!" His roomie found that rather interesting as I said the cyclist and not a cyclist. I then told Nate we had met when I stood in front of the door and didn't let him in right away. It clicked. It was funny. He then played guitar until I had to leave to pick up my friend Jade from work. I saw him twice after I got back.

I met one guy because I talked to him about cheese and crackers (my lunch most days that I eat in the lobby). Met others at interesting times. Most of the guys I just walked into their room during open and said hi. It's not hard to meet people. Why do people have such a problem sometime?

Adam, by the way, thinks I stalk him. I'm just always around CoVo when he is I guess. I am also a lounge rat, which makes people think I stalk them I guess. He told me to Twitter every time I saw him, and last night he denied ever saying that. Guys are so confusing. He drives a really sexy car, and I really want to drive around with him sometime. Unfortunately, I don't think that will happen anytime soon. Anyway, he is pretty much always the one who walks into a building after I'm in it, so unless I'm super good in my stalker skills (because I apparently stalk several others), he is stalking me. That's fine with me. He can go right ahead and stalk me. Oh, haha. He scared me half to death one day! I had said hi to him from my window (which is one first floor), and I turned my back to the window and when I glanced back (me being right next to the window), he was right there. I screamed and fell down the floor. It's funny to think of it now.

I also had a guy named Paul scare me like that as well, except I was in a room and he snuck in and said something and I had no idea he was there. When I turned around he was close to me and it scared me so bad I screamed and fell to the floor. It's a really good thing I don't have a weak heart.

There are many other stories, but those will have to suffice your curiosity as to what is going on in my life at college thus far this year. I'll try to update more often, so they are shorter and easier to read.

Oh. Haha. I got choked twice this week against a guys pectoral muscle as I got a hug. Once by Taylor and once by Lance. And there was a super dance party in first floor of VO. I don't like crowded places, so I wasn't there for much, but it was awesome. It also smelled really bad!

The end.

You're Not Sorry

I looked at the time of my last posting, and I realized it's been over a month since I last wrote. This is why I don't keep diaries! I must say a lot has gone on, but I can't even begin to go into it all, as I don't remember it all!! So, I'll just avoid the most of it, and say that I got a loan to go back to school. I got a car. My dad had surgery. I had fun hanging out with people.

I haven't been feeling well lately, and so I have been sleeping a lot more than I should, as I need to get on my college sleep schedule. Last night, thanks to my night owl status. My friend Wilford's brother told me tragic news. Wilford died on the 21st. He had been diagnosed with cancer a while ago, and we had talked a lot up until that point. He didn't get on much when I was on, at least not that I saw or noticed. His brother told me as he caught me on yahoo messenger. Because he knew we talked a lot, and he thought I should know.

I haven't cried too much yet, but I know it will come. I sat in shock as I read those words. "He was my brother." I knew the words to follow, but I couldn't stop from asking, "was?" I could hardly talk to anyone. Today, at church, my mind drifted away from the message and into something else. Thoughts of Wilford, as I tried to think back to the last time I had talked to him. I can't even remember when it was. I'm still just pretty much numb. I can only imagine how it'd be if I had hung out with him in person. Did I mention I only knew him online?

Um. So. Moving on past that for now.

I'm looking, seriously, into double majoring in Family Studies and Psychology and minoring in English. I look forward to being back at school in just over a week. 8 1/2 days. How can one be so connected to a school? So connected to the people? I actually confessed something to someone I think last week, that I haven't told many people. I'm a pretty open person about everything if you just ask me. There's only a few things. I think 2 actually. That I keep hidden. Afraid people wouldn't think of me the same if they only knew. I read some place today that people can only really know you if they know what you do in secret. You can put on a mask, and hide it, but it is still there. It's still a part of you. Only those who really know you, know what you do in "secret," even if it isn't so much secret anymore.

All in all, I have dealt with a lot over the years, and I believe it is finally taking it's toll, outside of maturing me past my age. I also believe God, even with my mistakes is shaping me into someone who will eventually mean the world to someone. I just need to learn some more things before he brings him into my life, or lets me know who he is. I know everything I have been through, dealt with, seen, heard and listened to, even with the wrong turns, is leading me down the path I'm supposed to go down.

Nobody Knows The Troubles I've Seen

CAUTION: THIS IS A LONG BLOG. BEFORE ENTERING ONE SHOULD HAVE SUFFICIENT TIME TO READ IT ALL. THEN COMMENT.

In my life lately it seems as if nothing has been going as planned. At least, they aren’t going according to my plans. I am trusting God at all times to see me through though, and I know everything I’ve been put through is for a reason. I can’t tell you what the reason is for my having trouble securing another loan for school, or why my mom’s car died when I was driving it twice in the past few days. My plans were to know by now that I can go back to Cornerstone, oh how much I miss it now! Other plans were to go up to Grand Rapids this past weekend and see some of my friends whom I love so much, particularly a friend who graduated this year and doesn’t live around here. I also had wanted to leave the Harry Potter movie and drive home. Plans turned to ash as things got messed up. Now for what really happened over the weekend.

Saturday, I left for my beloved Grand Rapids at 8:30 in the morning. I had to stop and get gas in my local town to insure that I could make it to Coldwater to fill up my tank with a Meijer gift card. I also had to make a side trip to Wal-Mart to get oil, as my car was low and there was no way that I would drive all the way to Grand Rapids with low oil. As I got closer to Grand Rapids, and my beloved CU, my heart fluttered as I saw the sign for Kent County. I couldn’t believe I was almost there already. Out loud I spoke to myself, “Not too long and I’ll be back at my beloved CU! Oh how I’ve missed it so!” After I got to Grand Rapids, I went to the Meijer down the road from CU, smiling as I passed by CU. I wanted to fill my tank again before I went bowling, so I knew I would have enough gas to make it to Aubrey’s mom’s place afterwards. Well, after I filled up, using another Meijer gift card, my car didn’t start. I tried it a few times, but it didn’t start. I sighed as I got out of my car, going to the car in the truck next to me and asked if he knew anything about cars. He laughed and said, “No, you probably know more about cars than I do.” I told him thanks anyway, went back to my car, trying to get it started again. I sighed deeply again as I got out and laid my head down on top of my car. I couldn’t understand why on earth it didn’t want to start, or why it had waited until I was at Meijer to not start. I wondered why it hadn’t decided to not start when I was at the rest area, or why it couldn’t have waited to not start until I was at Cornerstone.

A nice lady who was at the pump behind my car asked me if I was having car trouble. I told her yes, and then she asked if I had a cell phone to use so that I could call someone. I answered that I did, as I had borrowed my church’s cell phone for my trip, just in case something happened. I pulled it out and tried calling my pastor’s wife, as they know cars and might be able to tell me what was wrong. Unfortunately, the cell phone had no minutes on it, so that didn’t work out. The lady, who later told me her name was Holly, let me use her cell phone. I felt a little silly calling someone all the way back home to try to figure out what was wrong with the car. I then used her cell phone to call Jon-Michael who I was going to meet to go bowling. He hadn’t even left his house yet. Fail.

Holly had to go pick up her daughter, who is my age, to take her to work. She stayed with me until her husband, who knows a little bit about cars, came to try to jump start it in case the battery was dead. That didn’t work. He pushed the car over to the side, by the pay phone, as I went inside to buy minutes for the phone I was using. I also talked to the attendant, who told me as long as I left a note, my car would be fine sitting over there until Monday. He told me if it would be later than that before I could get the car taken away to just come change the note, as they weren’t eager to tow cars from Meijer. I called my pastor’s wife, Beth, to tell her we couldn’t get it started and she told me it would be Monday until they could get up to Grand Rapids to help me out. Great, I was stranded in Grand Rapids for the weekend. That was fine with me, of course I had no idea how I could get out to Aubrey’s mom’s place now. Holly’s husband was going to take me to Cornerstone, but she came back and gave me the ride instead. She gave me her number in case I ever ran into trouble again. I made a mental note to call her to thank her again for everything whenever it was that I got home.

When we got to Cornerstone, one of my other friends, Jon, was there waiting for us. Holly told me she wasn’t going to leave until I had found one of my friends. Jon-Michael showed up about a half hour later, which means I would have been waiting at Cornerstone for him for about an hour and a half, had my car not died on me. We talked for a little bit, and then we piled into Jon-Michael’s car to go bowling! I love bowling. Sadly, I got 99 and 97. I don’t like it when I don’t break 100. While we were bowling, I called my mother, who told me to find someplace to stay for the weekend. I called Aubrey, and we arranged for Jon-Michael to take me halfway out there and she would meet us. I of course, had to give them gas money. After we went bowling, we went over to Subway. I saw my friend Kerri from school. She had to leave so we didn’t really get to talk.

We dropped Jon off at CU, then went to make sure my windows in my car were up and that the car was locked. After that we drove to Sparta, to await my rescuer Aubrey who arrived in her mother’s mini-van. I said good-bye to Jon, Kim and her brother and thanked them again for everything. I hugged my Aubrey before we got into the van and set off for another one of my “second homes.” There are very few places that I feel right at home when I go there. Some places are home Aubree’s house, CU Aubrey’s mom’s house, Sarah W’s house, my friend Melinda’s house, my friend Kimmy’s home, Molly W’s home, and of course, my beloved CU where I settled in nicely in August of last year.

A few hours after I got to Aubrey’s mother’s house, Tim S came over and we played some games. I was so excited to see his awesome red truck pull up in the driveway I ran out to the end of the sidewalk. He had already pulled his truck to a stop by that time and so I stood there, with this possibly creepy cheesy grin on my face. I did a quick penguin walk a little bit closer, stopped and stared at him. He locked his door. I did another quick penguin walk towards his truck and he laughed and unlocked his door then got out. I started cracking up laughing. We went inside to the games. We had a blast playing Telephone Pictionary. One round involved my writing doves being interpreted by Aubrey’s sister as doors, since my v went into my e as I sometimes switch to cursive and not realize it. It was awesome. Beth, my pastor’s wife, called me and told me that when I got to my car again, to have someone hit the starter with a hammer as I tried to start the car. Before Tim left he gave Aubrey and I hugs from Christi, it was almost like one of her hugs. I miss her a lot. We then took pictures, which I must upload and send to Christi. :D One is of Tim doing a pose, and I have my arm around him, pretending to be infatuated/in awe at him. I’m not sure how well that turned out. Haha. Aubrey and I went to sleep at about midnight I think. I didn’t get out of bed until about 11:30.
At about 1 or so on Sunday Beth called again. She asked if I had any way to get back to the car that day. I told her no, because Aubrey couldn’t afford to go back to GR that day and we had friends coming over. She told me things hadn’t worked out and they couldn’t come to my rescue on Monday as planned, that they were in Coldwater coming to get me. I had to give them Aubrey’s mom’s address so they could come pick me up so we could work on getting the car home. I said okay, but it really depressed me for a while. I had been looking forward to hanging out with Aubrey, and maybe seeing Matt W. and Eric. I texted Matt W. and asked if he was available to hang out the next day, before I knew I would be picked up that night. He couldn’t hang out anyway, which is sad, as my whole trip had been based on my hoping to see him while he was in town.

At around 5ish, Aubrey and I went to walk around outside as we eagerly awaited the arrival of our friends Matt P. and Thad. They called, and we went out to the end of the driveway as Aubrey tried directing them to the house. When they pulled up we grinned and I was overcome with excitement to see the two guys I’ve danced with (that I wasn’t related to). They are also two of my AMAZING CU brothers. I love hanging with them. Aubrey and I walked along the driveway and waited while Matt parked the car. Thad got out first and Aubrey and I walked over to him, he seemed to be thinking of who he should hug first, so Aubrey told him I was more excited and to hug me first. I love hugs. We ended up going inside and Aubrey introduced them to her family, and gave a tour of her house. Thad had been there once before, so he knew most of his way around to begin with.

We decided to go down to the river and walk along, so we piled into Aubrey’s car and headed off. Aubrey showed us her favorite tree and we sat down, the three of them taking their shoes off and putting their feet in the water after Matt somewhat climbed the tree. Aubrey waded in the water a wee bit as we talked. It was a nice relaxing time that involved being amused by a silkworm dangling from the tree into the water. Sadly, it got swept downstream. When we left there we investigated the grainery. Doors were knocked on and attempted to be opened. Crevices were looked into, a picture was taken, and a big spider with what looked like an egg sack was discovered. It was fun. We headed back to Aubrey’s, stopping by McDonald’s to get her mom a coffee. I got a phone call asking where Aubrey’s house was, as my pastor, his wife and my mom were in town. I told them what color the house was and directed them there which didn’t take much. They were waiting when we pulled up a few minutes later. Aubrey’s sister came out and told me they scared her as they had driven by slowly and pulled into the driveway very slowly. I laughed and told her it was my ride. I went inside and grabbed my things, not having time to take pictures of the four of us, which saddened me. I gave quick hugs goodbye and went out to the awaiting van.

When we arrived at the car, we hooked up jumper cables to the battery. We also tried starting it with the starter being hit. Finally, after charging for 40 minutes, the car started up again, after the starter had been hit again. We were not allowed to turn the car off until we pulled into their driveway. They put a different starter on it the next day. Mom and I arrived home at about 11:30 Sunday night.

Tuesday night, Court and I headed to the movies to see Harry Potter. We were the only two in there to see it! It was awesome. Imagine my mood when we get out to the car and it once again doesn’t start for me. I tried it a few times before popping the hood and getting out. I looked at a few things quickly, before Court flagged down some guys who worked at the theater that were leaving. They came over and then went to get another guy who worked there who might be able to jump start the car. After a few minutes it was decided we did not need to jump it. The battery was definitely not dead. I called Beth, thinking it might be the starter again. She didn’t answer. I then called my mother, even though it was nearly one in the morning to let her know what was going on. I got a guy to hit my starter for me, in case that was it because he said it might need another one, even if it just got replaced yesterday, as that had happened to him before. Yes, we had 4 guys helping us in front of the theater. My car still didn’t start. I finally gave permission to Court to call her friend Mike to come to our rescue.

While we waited for him, we saw a cop pull someone over, then pass the theater a couple times. Finally we saw Mike pull in. He came over and had me pop my hood and he checked a few things, tried to get it running. He even checked the fuses! Still, he couldn’t figure out exactly why it wouldn’t start. He thought it might be a cable that runs from the ignition to I think he said the engine? I told Court I really want/need to take a basic mechanics course. To me it sounded like the car really wanted to start, but it just wasn’t. Mike finally gave up and asked if I had someone to come and take a look at it or take it some place tomorrow. I told him yes, I did. We got into his car and we dropped Court off. I then got up front as Court was like, “Oh, by the way, Mike this is Eve. Eve this is Mike.” Mike offered me his hand for a shake, but my purse was currently in that hand, so I had to put it down before shaking his hand. We talked on the way out to my house and I found out he didn’t live too far from me. He also knew my neighbors, and his brother was dating one of them. Among topics we discussed were family, college, GPA and dating. When we pulled up to my house and I got out I thanked him once again for rescuing us. I also told him it was nice to officially meet him. That confused him. I told him I had been with the group that went to see Transformers 2 a couple weeks ago. He laughed and it seemed to click that it must have been there he had seen me before, if he was at all thinking I looked familiar.

The next day I felt very stupid as I learned the reason the car wouldn’t start was because it wasn’t all the way in park. One of my friend’s cars does that sometimes, so I should have thought about it, instead of just assuming it was the starter acting up again. I told Mike, and he said he was the one who should feel stupid as that should have been one of the first things he checked. I think it’s funny that five guys and a girl who has been through many car troubles, didn’t think to check that it was all the way in park.

So, for you fellow car drivers who have issues with cars, here’s a short troubleshooting guide, it might come in handy if you borrow someone’s car.
1. Make sure it is park, maybe you need to shift it out of park and back into park.
2. Just a hint. If you don’t know this, as I didn’t. People will assume you know to not leave your heat on when the car is turned off. This is a bad idea. It will kill your battery within minutes. Not to mention after a while it won’t give you hot air. I think that is because the hot air it gives you comes off the engine, and for the engine to have heat, it must be turned on.
3. Give it a little gas. One of my friend’s cars needs a little gas to start it.
4. If your headlights work, your battery isn’t dead.
5. Try turning off all electrical things, then starting.
6. If you do need a jump. Make sure your car stays running for a long while afterwards. I’ve been told anywhere from a half hour to an hour.
7. If the battery is charged, and it just isn’t starting, but making a clicking noise. It could be your starter.
8. If it is your starter acting up, it might work if you get someone to hit it with a hammer as you try to start it.
9. Always know someone you can call to come rescue you! If you have a cell phone, awesome. Put anyone and everyone’s number in it. If not, carry an address book!
10. If all else fails; and you are a girl, look a little helpless, even if you know a little bit of what the problem might be. Guys will normally come to the rescue. (Unless you’re carrying your shoe and limping across campus in the dark of a cold night…you might not get help then…but that’s a different story.) I had several guys helping last night. Yet, none of them thought it might be that it wasn’t fully in park. This isn’t the best idea if you’re by yourself!

Place in This World

Last Monday I left for my sister’s, so that I may babysit my nephew for the week while my sister was at work. On Saturday my mother picked up my nephew and me. We went out to Milford to a wedding celebration for some of my relatives who have gotten married in the past year. After an hour or so I called Drew on my brother Tom’s cell phone. As I was on the phone with Drew, my Aunt Doris asked me if I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I told her no, but he is coming. I realized after I said that that it might seem like my boyfriend was coming. A boyfriend I do not have. I quickly added that it was my best friend Drew who was coming and that was who I was on the phone with. Drew arrived about an hour and a half later. I brought him down to the yard to introduce him to my parents and some relatives. When we turned to leave, my brother Tom stopped us. He said he hadn’t met him yet, so we couldn’t leave. Then he proceeded to talk to Drew about where he lived. Freakishly enough my brother fishes a lot on the lake Drew lives on…he knows now where Drew lives…

After Tom told us we could leave, I had to drag Drew over to meet my grandma, who asked him if he sat at the back of the class with me. I told her that this was Drew, not Lance. She started smiling and laughing, as did Frank. Finally, Drew and I left. As we were walking away though, my cousin Josh said “You guys are gonna do it aren’t you?” I told him no, Drew was my best friend. He replied, “Whatever, I see that look in his eye. You guys are gonna do it!” I laughed and again replied that no, we weren’t. Josh then told us that he would. I gave him a weird look and then Drew and I walked away. Awkward moment.

We drove to see his old high school/church, as well as a ghetto Taco Bell. After we passed it, Drew decided he wanted Taco Bell, so we went back. He’s so funny. He took me to see Jonathan’s old school as well. Let me tell you…they went to some BIG schools! On the way to his house I saw some really nice houses that had yards. Actual yards! I didn’t think that was possible in a city! Let alone the Detroit area! We also had stopped at a stop light, and as we sat there all of a sudden there was a loud siren. I screamed and covered my ears. It came out of nowhere! Then an ambulance (I think) and a cop car went by on the right side of the car. I had no idea they were there until the siren went off. It scared me to death. You can tell I’m not from the city. Drew laughed at me.

We pulled up at his house and he took me around back and showed me the river/lake that runs behind his house. It was so pretty. His mom was back there, reading a book, so we went over to her and I finally, after almost a year of knowing Drew, got to meet his mom. I like her. I think she is very sweet. He then took me on a tour of his house, which I LOVE so much! I would love to live in his house. Near the end of the tour I met his dad. His dad talks quietly, which slightly disturbed me as I’m very used to people talking loud, especially my dad and neighbors. When we got to Drew’s room, he discovered to I think his delight, that his mother had cleaned his room while he had been gone. He then made me sign his wall. He’s been trying to get his friends to sign it I guess, and I was the first one to write something more than a sentence.

After we finished hanging out for a few minutes at his house, it was time for him to return me to my family. I had a wonderful time being kidnapped by him. All about 2 ½ hours or so of it.  I miss him again already. So very much. I might get to see him again next month, and then the following month is college! That is…if I can get another loan. I’ve already been declined for one. I have two others I’m applying for, hopefully I’ll get one. I’d hate to not return this fall because of money. Moving on.

I was coming home from Milford, I was listening to my MP3 player. A Taylor Swift song came on that hit me. "A Place in This World" Some of the lyrics are
"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
cause I'm still trying to figure it out
don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
trying to see through the rain coming down
even though I'm not the only one
who feels the way I do.
I'm alone, On my own, and thats all i know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
Oh I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world
Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
and I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve"

I feel it fits me pretty well. I don’t know where my life will lead me as of right now. I’m just going through life right now. Searching for what I am to do. I don’t know exactly what I want to do for a career, or if I even really want a career. My sister, who is now a college student, told me that she’s going to college to make money and at least she isn’t, “Going to college, just to go to college.” I hate to admit it, but right now it seems to be true and it just depresses me. I don’t know where I’m going. Why I’m going there. Or what I’ll do when I get there. I am, of course, trusting God to take care of it all and lead me to where I’m supposed to be. I know that somehow He’ll get it through to me what I’m supposed to do with my life. I don’t have a problem trusting God to take of me. I know He will. I just keep getting caught up in the small things of life. The things that won’t end up really mattering in the end. I just sometimes feel like I’m just barely hanging on to the person I used to, and transforming into this new person. I’m not sure how much I like the transformation process of it all though. I also don’t know how long it will last.

I stayed at my home Aubree’s house the other night. I went over the first chance I had so we could talk and hang out, since her fiancée just moved to Las Vegas on Friday. I was just going over to talk and watch a movie (Sleepy Hollow with Johnny Depp and Christina Ricci). I ended up sleeping over there and coming home at 7am. We had finally stopped talking at about 3am. I am deeply saddened and faced with a hard goodbye soon. Aubree told me that she will be moving to Las Vegas too. Aubree and I have been best friends for 14 years, and even though we’ve had rough patches and our friendship almost didn’t make it through. I know that even with her moving half way across the country, we will still manage to maintain our friendship. I will miss her lots, and it will be weird whenever I come home and know that she won’t be just a few miles away. I think when I do eventually have to tell her goodbye, it will be a long and tearful one.

On a good note, I got a TV for free last night. A Panasonic that is 7 years old, I think it is about a 21 inch. It is awesome. I already have my N64 hooked up to it. I’m hoping when I return to CU this fall, I will bring it, along with the DVD/ VCR player my mom has, as she never watches movies in her room….let alone movies at all. I’m also making another venture up to GR this coming weekend. I was hoping to be up there Friday night, but it’s looking like it’ll be Saturday about noon when I get there. I’m still figuring out who to hang out with and when. I’ll be staying at my ex-roomie’s mother’s house, which is where Aubrey, my ex-roomie is. It’s quite a ways out of town, but I can’t find any other place to stay. I’m looking forward to it all. If only I could be around until Tuesday, I could meet my future suitemate Kirby, when she goes to CU for orientation…but alas, my mother works and will need the car. Now, I must depart and possibly climb into bed….might end up playing my N64 though. Haha.

Going Home

Well we arrived at our destination in Shreveport, Louisiana safely. We arrived late afternoon on Friday evening. It was not too long after our arrival that those who would be in the wedding left for the rehearsal. They were gone for a couple hours. When they returned there was a cook out at my aunt’s house as the rehearsal dinner. The kids played in the pool.

On Sunday night we went out to Cracker Barrel. Afterwards my cousins Angie and Steve and I went to the boardwalk and watched The Hangover. The Hangover, by the way, made me laugh. I don’t normally laugh that much at movies. The last time was when I saw Mall Cop. The Boardwalk was pretty cool. We had parked in a parking garage, which just so you know is the first time I have ever parked in one before. Shocking, I know.

On our way back we stopped off in Memphis, Tennessee. I took some pictures of the storm we passed through. We passed another storm on our way to Effingham again. We’re staying in the same place we stayed at last Wednesday. I took more pictures, including more of the World’s Largest Cross.

We also stopped back at the place where I went into the trucker’s bathroom area. We talked to a trucker who was in Shreveport, Louisiana yesterday and was on

his way to Detroit as well! Except, well, I’m on my way to Camden, not Detroit. My grandma and Frank are on their way to Detroit though. He answered our question as to why not all truckers stop at weigh stations. Apparently some trucks have a transponder that triggers something under an overpass that sends the information on their truck and load to the cops, and those trucks who don’t have them are to stop at the weigh stations. He was a really nice trucker. He was actually on his to Canada.

When we got to the motel, we went to Ruby Tuesday and I got to drive the Flex, which is my grandma’s new vehicle. I had not been to a Ruby Tuesday before. It was a nifty place, with lights that had glass fruit lampshades, as well as some plain ones. The food was fantastic and the waitress (Britney) was the best. Britney was on top of everything and she was very sweet.

I’m now using the last stop of high-speed internet to upload pictures and videos. I go home tomorrow. I then go to Holland on Thursday to hang out with and crash at Sarah’s place. Friday I am to hang out with Laura B, then go to Grand Rapids for LauRA’s wedding. After the wedding I’m crashing at Aubrey’s, hoping to hang out with her Saturday. Then going home Saturday. After this weekend ends I think I’ll be home most of the summer. I cannot wait to see how my garden and strawberry patch has fared in my absence.

By the way, all pictures were taken by me, except for the one of the car. I found it online at http://www.flickr.com/photos/jpowers65/2599567870/

Walking in Memphis

Or West Memphis as the case may be. I sit in a motel in West Mephis, Arkansas for the moment. The wi-fi, which took forever to connect to my laptop, likes to kick me off. The people here at the motel had to get a manager to reroute the signal for the wifi. We called my dad earlier, and he said that he fell last night! We leave him for one day and he falls... Anyway, I wrote the following earlier, right after lunch.


We left the motel at who knows what time, finding out where the World’s Largest Cross was, and went to see it. The motel was only maybe a mile from it. I took some pictures, and managed to get me in some when I switched the camera angle. It stands 185 feet high and 113 feet wide. Maybe it was 195 feet high. I don’t quite remember. It was cool. It stands by the highway. We stopped off at this rest area with cool floor. They looked like polished rocks. It was uneven too, which wasn’t the best idea in the world I will admit, but it was awesome to look at. I almost ran into a wall because I was distracted by it. We stopped off at this truck stop area for lunch in a small town. There were a couple truckers eating at the restaurant as well, that’s not surprising of course, considering it was a truck stop. It had a buffet and that’s what we ate. It was pretty decent. I noticed when I got my second plate of food that there was this one guy who watched me as I walked past. When I sat back down at our table I saw him turn around in his seat and look at me. I then kept noticing his friend was watching me as well. They kept this up the entire time they were eating, taking turns watching me.

When I had finished eating I had to use the bathroom. I thought it was out and around the corner and when I asked my mom she said yes. I had been confused when we came in because of the last place we went in at had the bathrooms right across from the door we came in. Well, I went out into the store that was connected to the restaurant and turned the corner and didn’t see them where I thought they would be. I saw a sign that said trucker facilities and I assumed the restaurant wanted us to use the trucker bathrooms. Thinking nothing of it I go over there, through the trucker lounge where this bigger truck driver glanced in my direction when I walked through and I went into the bathroom marked women. I use the bathroom, come out, and the driver glances at me again. I still am not thinking anything about how this might look, or how it could be odd that a restaurant wants people to walk all the way over to the other side of the building to use the bathroom that is designated for truckers. When I came back towards the restaurant I saw the bathrooms. They had been just around the corner from the restaurant. I should have turned left instead of right.

My mother had been confused when I said the bathrooms were out and around and I had pointed. She had thought I was pointing at the bathroom. When I came back and told then I had gone over to use the trucker bathroom and had been confused as to where the bathrooms were my mom laughed at me. She said my “out and around the corner” must have been different than hers. I told her had I thought the bathrooms were right there I would have asked “Are the bathrooms right there?” and pointed. We had just been talking about assuming things and the things not being right. I said what I had just done was an example of assuming things. It had turned out to be wrong. They teased me about it until we left.

Back to those two guys who had been watching me. When they got up to pay they stared at me the entire time they walked to the cash register. Mom and grandma went to the bathroom and Frank went to look at something. The two guys had gone to the bathroom and gone outside by then. Well, they came back in and looked over at me, staring at me some more as they walked over to the store. They stood around in the store and I know they were watching as we walked out. I feel as though it might be odd that I wasn’t scared or nervous by any of this. Is it normal to not be scared of truckers? Or of two guys who seem to watch your every move very creeper like?

We went to a Mexican place for dinner tonight. It was really good. It tasted just like the Mexican place we have back home. Now we're hanging out in the motel. Grandma and mom are watching Iron Chef on tv. Frank is...I don't know. He was looking at a map, now he's drinking a V8. I think I'm going to get grandma to tell me about her family tonight so I can record it and research that side of my family. I need to get more information from my dad about his side, so that I can research that side of my family. I love history. Anyway, I do believe that is enough adventure for now. Bye!

In Dreams

Perhaps it happens the best in horror movies. Perhaps in the nightmares you have. You think about it whenever you have a big window. In a motel with the big window that looks out onto the parking lot on the ground floor. You look up whenever someone walks by. You see them glance up, acting like they aren't looking in, but you know they are. Looking. Watching. Perhaps waiting. Waiting for what? Well, that can be open to interpretation.

Last night as my mom, grandma, Frank and I sat in the motel room, this tall skinny man with gray hair walked by. He looked in, attempting to make it look like he was not looking, but we knew he was. Frank was the only one who did not see. The man walked by again a short while later, looking in. We laughed. The third time he walked by, he slowed and was very deliberate about his looking in. Frank and mom immediately closed the large, dark red drapes. They still laughed about it. I found it annoying. Then again, we did have the drapes open, so it was partially our fault. Why people feel the need to look in open lit up windows when they go by somewhere is beyond me. I do admit though, that I am guilty of it at times. Curiosity I suppose.

Well, as everyone else was settling in at around 11pm our time, 10 pm here, I felt the need to get ready for bed as well. I shut off the laptop, disconnected the cords and put it away. Everyone else was in bed. I didn't fall asleep until at least 1am my time. I tossed and turned most of the night. I slept maybe a half hour to an hour at most at one time, then something would wake me up, I'd try to get comfortable again and fail many times. It most likely took all of about a half hour or so each time for me to fall back to sleep.

We are now off to have a quick bite at the continental breakfast here at the motel. I bid you all a farewell as I continue on my exciting travels. I find that I do like travelling very much so.

On The Road Again

Well lovelies, I greet you tonight from the lovely Econo Lodge in Effingham, Illinois. I began this day with a bad sunburn on my lower back that came from wedding in my strawberry patch for about 6 hours yesterday afternoon. I hardly slept. I finally crawled, yes crawled out of bed at about 8:30 this morning. I then shut off my alarm that was to go off at 9. I heard voices outside, so I opened my window and listened to my parents converse in the garden where my mother was laying down straw around the plants, and my dad was wondering if she needed help. He then left to go tell my neighbor, whom my mother had received the straw from that there was indeed 20 bales there, like there was supposed to be, instead of the 15 that she had believed were there. I then called to her that I was up, I would finish packing and then proceed to make strawberry muffins.

I came downstairs and ate a sausage my mother had left for me, then proceeded to cut up strawberries for muffins. I started to make the muffin batter, only to discover we had no eggs! I grabbed the keys from my mom's purse, and some cash, yes she had given me permission to take some cash after I told her I needed eggs, then went into the small local grocery store. I came back and made my muffins, which came out very tasty by the way.

We had lunch, me having some salad and tuna salad so it wouldn't go to waste while my mom and I are away for the week. My grandma and Frank came when I was finishing my salad. I then had to run around looking for my hoodie, which I never found, nor do I think I will actually need, but we shall see. We hit the road at about 11:30 or so. We stopped for a late lunch at Cracker Barrel where we met with Frank's sister, son and his wife and her daughter. Then we hit the road again, arriving at our motel at around 8:00 our time, but only 7:00 their time. I had to reset the clock on my laptop. I searched the room until I found the ethernet jack, which thankfully I thought to pack my ethernet cord into my new messenger/laptop bag that I bought.

My bag is this cute dark brown messenger bag that I bought about two days ago I think for 1/4 the price I thought that I would. I like it very much so, and am looking to use it as my backpack at college this coming year. Is it September yet, I ask you. I shall arrive in Louisiana on Friday and be there until Monday morning. Arriving home some time on Wednesday night. Then Thursday I leave to see my lovely Sarah, then see Laura on Friday, then go to another wedding Friday evening, crash at my ex-roomie's place, then hopefully hang with her next Saturday!

Now, for some interesting tidbits from my journey today. For one, my stomach can't handle plain V-8 juice, at least not from a can....when it isn't ice cold. I know I can handle it ice cold from a plastic bottle because I've had it before. When I took one drink I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I had the taste of it in my mouth for about a half hour until I had the common sense to eat another Strawberry muffin. I did a couple crossword puzzles, asked my grandma a little bit about her family, and began to read The Old Man and The Sea. I bought the book at a Goodwill a few months ago I do believe, maybe longer ago. It has been among the many books I currently own but have not read. I do hope to change that this summer, but with how much I've been working outside I do not know how much reading I shall do.

Trying to sit in a car, or anywhere for that matter when you have sunburn on your very low back is very hard. You can't sit with your lower back against anything. It becomes irritating very quickly. I had a truck driver wave at me at one point, it was a younger driver too, not one of those older ones. I have just noticed that my bag is the largest one that has come on this trip. I also think I brought more clothes than normal. I could have put it all in a duffel bag, but I wanted to make sure I was ready for anything. Which is very strange for me, normally I am the lightest packer compared to most people I travel with. Anyway, I do suppose this has become long enough and I have to find something for them to watch on the television. I can't wait to get back on the road tomorrow. I find I really like to travel.

The Climb

I've always felt that music is a big part of life. It can help you express yourself in ways that are sometimes better than the ways in which you yourself can express yourself. You can use music to show someone how much you care, or that you are there, how you feel. Music can affect your mood mere moments. I use it to keep myself calm when I feel like breaking down, or to keep myself happy, or make myself happy when I'm feeling down.

Sometimes when I would find a song that seemed to fit my life perfectly (or almost perfectly) I would put the lyrics to it in my diary. That's how it is currently with The Climb by Miley Cyrus. I always turn it up and sing along whenever it comes on. I know I'm not alone in doing so. I decided that if people weren't familiar with this song that currently describes my life, I should post the lyrics. You'll find them below.

On Friday night, Miguel sent me an invitation to our mutual friend Isaac's wedding. I was happy to discover upon reading it that the wedding was happening only an hour from my house. As well as to find two of my better guy friends from college would be in attendance. On Sunday I arrived to the wedding a half hour before it was scheduled to begin. Matt and Thad seemed happy to see me. We hung around each other the entire time, I dubbed us "The Cornerstone Trio." The ceremony was awesome, Cali looked amazing. She and Isaac are so sweet and awesome together.

The reception consisted of swing dancing and strawberry shortcake. Matt and Thad took turns dancing with me, I apparently do well at following as I've never swing danced before. Matt even dipped me twice, it was slightly awkward as I was confused as to what was going on the first time he dipped me. It was a lot of fun though. Matt says Thad and I have to go downtown Swing Dancing next year. I think it'll be cool.








I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head

saying"You'll never reach it"



Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking



But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high



There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose



Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb



The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking



I may not know it

But these are the moments

thatI'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going



And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on



'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose



Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!



There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose



Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!



Keep on moving,

keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby



It's all about,

it's all about the climb

Keep the faith,

keep your faith, whoa

Sweet Sixteen

Some of the lyrics to Sweet Sixteen are even though I'm not 16 anymore I think that some of my adventures this past weekend fit it,

"Today I'm gonna ride away
And feel the sun throughout my hair
Finally free to be who I wanna be
Who that is I don't really care
'Cuz I've got friends who love me
Blue skies are above me
My blonde hair is everywhere

Sweet sixteen
Gonna spread my wings
Sweet sixteen
It's my chance to shine
Sweet sixteen
Discovering
Sweet sixteen
So much more to life
Sweet sixteen"

As most of you know, I drove down to West Virginia with some friends for another friend's wedding in which two of my friends were standing up as maid of honor and a bridesmaid. We left on Thursday morning from Aubree's house at about 8:40, picked up Kimmy from her house and hit the open road at about 9:15 or so. Within the first half hour we had a your mom joke, a that's what she said and Kimmy told me college has corrupted me. That bit continued on throughout the day.

We stopped off in this small town called Russell's point, where we had some lunch at McDonald's and it became my turn to drive. They tell me the town smelled funny, I couldn't really smell anything, so I'll have to take their word for it. People stared at us a lot, especially guys. It was kind of creepy, and Aubree accidentally referred to it as "Richard's Point" which made all of us laugh. The McDonald's had an outdoor sitting area with table and things which were right near small marina. It was cool. We had to get back on the road as soon as possible though. We were supposed to be in West Virginia and meeting Lex at a Marathon station at 4.

Somehow I had memorized the directions after only looking at them twice. We had decided to not drive through Columbus, and bypass it by going around on 270. While on 270 we were following this van and on the back windshield "in tow" was written. We couldn't for the life of us figure it out! When we finally passed the van we saw it was being towed and a unanimous "oooooohhhh" was sounded in the van. We were no longer confused. We crossed into West Virginia and met Lex, Bo and Ryan at about 4:30. Only a half hour behind schedule.

We followed them to the rehersal, and then to the rehersal dinner that was at this amazing Chinese food place. Then I followed Lex's grandparents to their house which is amazing. We stayed the night there with much cuddling and talking going on between Aubree and I. I said something about it going to be really easy to do that with a guy when eventually I get to that point and I was told, with slight laughter, that it is completely different when it comes to cuddling with guys. I'm not sure if I agree with them. Lex came to the house at about midnight I think and we talked with her for a while. Then we slept. In the morning was more cuddling, including some with Lex, then we all took showers, no not together although it was spoken about with laughter, and got ready.

Lex, the bride, drove to her own wedding as there was one part of the drive I really didn't want to drive. She ate McDonald's on the way for lunch. The wedding was awesome, as was the reception, where I caught the bouquet. Really, there was no issue with catching it. There was a whole ten of us and everyone just spanned out into a line and not a group. I took one step forward and caught it with no issues. I then had my picture taken with Lex, and had to keep telling the people who asked when I was going to get married that I wasn't even in a relationship and so it would most likely be a few years. One of the ladies at the tables I sat at told me I had a double whammy since I had caught the bouquet at my sister's wedding 4 years ago. She then proceeded to give me dating advice and part of her life story, it was pretty cool and sweet of her.

The reception ended at about 9pm and we started out drive back after getting direction from Lex's dad. We decided to drive through Columbus since it shouldn't be bad late at night. It wasn't. Our worse traffic was within the first hour and a half of leaving. After that there weren't very many cars even on the road, let alone driving by us. At one point it was miles before we saw anyone, including driving on 75! We were almost at Kimmy's house when we almost hit a giant groundhog, at least that is what we suspect it is. It was freaky. After we dropped Kimmy at her house at about 4:15 we almost hit a huge racoon. We swerved, but Aubree got the van under control quickly. I then took over driving and almost hit another giant unidentifiable animal. We were fine after that until I pulled up into my driveway and saw a big racoon running across my driveway. Aubree and I both screamed. I also ended up saying something .and not it wasn't a swear, I just don't don't want to say what it was on here.

I got into my house at about 5am, after freaking out for a little bit thinking the racoon was going to come back to the driveway and attack me. Why yes, I do get very paranoid about stupid things. I got online and talking to Eric, then finally fell asleep at about 6am. At about 1pm I awoke to my nephew and my mom upstairs coming to wake me up. We ended up going to Gleis', the bank, out to eat, April's, and Walmart. My nephew fell asleep about ten minutes before we got to Glei's and he didn't wake up when I got him out of the car, so I just held him all through the place so he would get a decent nap. Then when I went to put him back in the car he woke up! At lunch he spilled all of his ice cold water on me. He thought it was funny. It was, but I'm glad it dried quickly, as it had run all the way down my leg.

On another note, my brother should be back stateside soon. We might get to see him at my cousins wedding in Louisiana next month. It'll be awesome. I also might be stopping by Holland on my way to Grand Rapids for another wedding next month. It depends on when I come back from the one in Louisiana. If I can, I'll get to stay the night in Holland before the wedding in Grand Rapids. I still have no news on the job front by the way. Now this concludes this blog post.

Come Clean

As most people know, I'm an open book. There are very few things in my past that I don't speak openly about, or even let people know. As a matter of fact there are....only three things I keep to myself, for the most part. I've told people about them, but mostly, I keep them to myself. So, I've decided to "come clean" about the one thing that I guess a lot of people don't know, and it's not like I keep it hidden.

When I was about the age of 7, I started shoplifting. Now, my mom caught me and gave me a lecture about it. I was a kid who had started going to church about 2 years beforehand, I knew better. I didn't stop. When I was 12, a month before I turned 13, I was caught shoplifting (I wrote about my experience for my first college paper) at a popular store. I would say what store, but as I'm banned from there until I die, I won't. For shoplifting I got 3 months of probation, and $150 in fines to pay. Once I turned 18 it was taken off my record. I was also banned from that store for life, if I am in the parking lot and get caught, I can still be arrested. The experience freaked me out, I was balling. I held out for a while, but I finally cracked. I ended up being put in handcuffs, and driven in a police car (front seat), to the station, where he filed a report and I think he made a profile of me, I'm not sure. The cop asked if I had any scars or distinguishing marks... Anyway, had my mom not come to get me, I would have been sent to a juvenile detention center about four hours away. Don't worry. I haven't stolen anything since.

Aside from that, another thing I wanted to "come clean" about is the fact that I'm really struggling with some things right now. Nothing too major when you think about it, except for my relationship with God. Since about this time last year, I've been slowly drifting away from God. I know He's still there, and I still put my trust in Him to get me through anything that comes my way. I just don't feel the closeness I once had. Granted, I wasn't that close to God before, but it was a heck of a lot closer than I am now. I haven't been reading my Bible hardly at all this semester outside of needing to for some class thing, I've been praying...sometimes, just shooting a prayer up whenever I think about it, which let's face it, isn't very often. Lately, it's felt more or a chore for me, and it's been slowly killing off a part of me inside. I just haven't found the time for it, and whenever I do, it's been interrupted. So, this summer I'm really hoping to spend some time getting to know God again, and actually singing songs to worship Him, and not just because I feel the need to sing along with everyone else.

I think that's all for this themed blog post. Maybe I'll post again tomorrow night with some things that have been on my mind.